huh??

You and Me

2011-12-30T06:01:00.001-08:00

We were lost loosing straying in the path of unloved

Craving for love

Craving for comfort

That we forgone in our fail relation

One day feathers of fate flown for endless

Thus flock towards 2 lonely shadow lighten up the darkness

Feathers of fate brought both our fate together

Smiles start to lift while lonely starts to fall

We cherish the moments together

Every moon light shone

There we are together enjoying each other comfort

Laughter feels the air

Sorrow finally emptied the bottle of joy

We no longer longing for love

For we have each other

Almost valentine that the love bells began to sound

That you and me would take the next step

We now have each other

For sickness and in health

For better or worst

We belong with each

My dear I love you and my love will keep on roaming the endless sky….

Lonely starting to crumble…

2011-12-26T05:03:00.000-08:00

Hi blog….its been awhile eyh….i’ve been buzy and occupied with life, love and work ... so nway blog like always everytime I have problem I always come to you…but not when im happy riteeee…I feel like im actually taking advantage…im srry…so for the above u can tell im feeling sad lonely…wat am I to do…thts life everything that goes up bound to come down sumthing its gravity scientifically saying…but theorically thts fate….huhuhu….

So r u ready to hear my story…u r always ready thts why I can count on you…..so here it goes….well im wif someone as u may hav heard…the old one is long gone deleted and emptied…but I found someone better huhu..yay!!!!!! but im not gonna talk about my other half…..but about how am I feeling with that person…u must be thinking tht “aren’t u happy I thought u said yay!!!” bt wait I haven’t finish hear me out…..

Im happy with tht person I feel I cant live without tht person but the problem now is that prson is getting distance with me…

im feeling I have no one to hear my sad story bsides u….coz that person is buzy working so thts fair im working too I know how buzy can work be…and to be honest im a pure workaholic when im working…neglecting my family frens but one thing I neva neglect is my other half atleast after work I wud spend atleast 30 mints to 1 hour talking or texting to that person….

So that person is now working so yeah work can always be out of the way for our relationship no doubt that and I wudnt argue…but I feel sad when during that persons off day that person neva hav time for me…I don’t know is it me feeling really need or sumthing…but I don’t want to take a guess..i cant afford to coz im too vulnerable rite now….this usually happens often thou….during that person’s off day that person bound to have excuses like im sick, I buzy but one thing I don’t get it during ur working day its obvious u r buzy bt during ur off day why u hav excuses I still don’t get it…its like that person is avoiding me...so that is wat is making me wonder….its not sumtimes but often…its like that person is working on off day too…hurmmm that’s me sad and lonely….even my off day I wud give time to that person….even if tomorrow is that person’s off day that person will still sleep early come on…u r off tomorrow spend time with will yaaaa….haih…

I jz don’t know wat to do I feel like I don’t have anyone…I belong to someone but as if tht person is keeping me lock up in a closet like im a used toy…thts how I feel …im jz feeling lonesome crumbling down….pressuring me to flat myself down….but I guess im feeling needy thts all…I love tht person wif all my heart its almost going to be a year in january but I jz feel I don’t hav anyone wif me….hurmmmm thts jz lonely….i hope its oni the distance and time tht is keeping us apart….

Pigments of Hope, if there’s any…

2010-12-14T21:42:00.000-08:00

Yet another heart broken left to rot without anyone knows about it...

Few knew about but still kept it a secret for it is not ready to be heard

For it is too painful

For it is too devastating
For one to even endure it…
However one must learn to face it even if it cud kill
n bleed them dry…
I may not sound sane rite or even make senses but
Maybe insanity is wat keeping me alive n well
Maybe insanity is wat keeping me as me
Maybe insanity is wat people need rite now..
Life has become an utterly complicated…
For people who tell themselves that
They we’re doing not to hurt anyone
Bt from a minor point of view

Caught me in the eye n left a note
All they were doing was hurting someone else
They say putting others feeling before theirs???
Well they were actually putting their feelings before others…
Bt maybe bcoz u’re having a big event for ur future
Maybe I shudnt be lenient at first maybe I shud hav been selfish
Like u
Putting my feelings first
Atleast I’ll make u suffer…
But tht juz isn’t me
I cant harm a fly even if I want it to
Metaphorically saying thou….
I cud hurt a fly..
Hurting wud do me any good or harm..
So well for me there isn’t much fun wud it now…
Bt the amount of pain I have to endure is juz
A valuable lesson for me
With opportunity I wud like to thank you from the bottom of my heart …

Becoz
U have made me stronger
U have made me wiser
U have made me understand
Even though u have shattered dis heart
Even though u have tore dis heart
I will always try to keep ur heart unharm…
I will always try to be there wen u’re in need…

Becoz past is juz another old book…

Becoz doing wat u did to me
Wudnt make me powerful
Wudnt make me stronger
It wud only make me weak
It wud only make me inhumane
Thats the last thing I ever wanted for u
Becoz I still treasure the precious moment

We had…
Becoz the valued moment have overcome
the painful moment after u’ve gone….

So I will always be here waiting for u….

Random

2010-08-07T12:31:00.000-07:00

Im just randomly writing to let out my feelings..

But what feelings am I exactly want to express…

Im not sure actually…..

Hurmmm….

Im feeling lonely and furios lately…

I don’t know why…..

Im feel like climbing a mountain n screaming the top of my lungs!!!

Why am I feeling like this…

The worst thing I channeled it someone…

Why did I do that….

Am I feeling threaten to that person…

Arghhhhhhh

Why did I do tht…..

Im really stressed out channeling my ridicoulous anger to that person…

What hav I become….

That person didn’t do anything wrong nor that person has any connection to this feeling I have…..

Why ….

Every step im taking is bringing me closer to my rage…

Everything I do I feel angitated….

Arghhhhhhhhhhhh

How I wish I have someone to talk to…

But to come a think of it ….

What do I want to talk about???

NOTHING…

Exactly nothing…

U see what I mean…

Im feeling angry at something that don’t exist…

Im feeling lonely at something that don’t exist…..

I’m feeling as if im beginning to feel im no longer a person who is having a rational thought now…

Arghhhhhhhhh

Why???

No matter how hard I try Im feeling irate ….

Did anyone push my buttons????

I been asking myself the same question…..

And the only answer I get is….

diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii………

nada….

No one…

Nobody…..

So why am I feeling this way!!!!

I still felt guilty to the person thou….

Urmmmm how I wish I cud write srrry a million time to that person…

Bt that person doesn’t have any connection nor did that person trigger my rifle of anger…

Bt im feeling furious ….….

Why……

Sometimes I feel im about to loose it….

My ridiculous feeling is starting to take the best of me…

Killing my rationality….

Taking me to a place im not proud of…..

Taking me to a ride that no where in fun villle…

Arghhhhh…..

Im feeling that I’ve gone to the wrong direction…

And yet I have been direct otherwise…

Why do I take tht road when I’ve been told to go to other direction…..

Arrghhhh….

I juz wish sometimes life can be done by a book

Something like a book of recipe…

Where u do exactly like the book say

Or ur food will taste bad…

Why life cant be as simple like that…..

How I wish I cud resolve dis problem that neva exists…

Hurmmmmmm…

Seasons Change

2009-08-18T19:54:00.000-07:00

Seasons change

am I rite??

Winter to summer

Spring to autumn

But why do people change ??

Urmm humans they have a way of thinking..

Changes occurs no matter where u go…

Even wind change

From east to west

Even the moon.

from a full moon to crescent

So there is no doubt people don’t change..

If its for the better well go on ahead.

But if its for the worst why go on ??

Sometimes it makes me wonder…

When people change from excellent to depraved person

What are they thinking??

Impressing somebody??

Well I’m not impress….

bt more likely to hate u...

Trying to look superior??

Well I don’t see your throne anywhere??

Trying to be Popular??

Well I don’t see anyone asking for your autograph??

So what is it for??

Changing into something bad

Won’t Take us anywhere ..

Won’t make us any richer…

If it did..

I love to jump on the same boat

maybe push u off a cliff and row the boat on my own..

So there be plenty more for me to spend…

But there’s no such thing…

But being bad will achieve something for u..

Being the one others hate

Being the one others disrespect

Being the one others irritate

Being the one others forsake

So u want those??

No human with the right mind

Wants that….right??

Wise person once said to me

“This is your story u are the writer”

This means are in control of ur life..

People talk they have mouth but

Why should u care coz this is ur life not theirs

Its true but if u are changing into an awful person

Dat statement doesn’t apply to u..

U want to change into something different from before..

Go on who stopping u but into an educated better person not the opposite

Becoz if u going into the dreadful path that u so call proud of

at the end of the day u end up back to square one…

u are going nowhere..

seeing changes like that sadden others..

change into an educated person

change into gracious person

when u roam the world others will be there by ur side

instead of being

boorish

bcoz if u fall no one will be there to pick u up…

Don’t make others say we told u so…

If u really want to change urself…

Another wise person once said to me

“ Being urself makes u Somebody”

Wat it means is...

u urself is unique in its way

So u don’t have to be someone else to impress anyone

Or to be superior…

Just by being u makes u special…

How Naïve??

2009-06-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

Urmmm wats wif the title u ask urself..

“how naïve”

where is dis goin??

Wat is dis all about??

u ask??

I can’t really tell how is goin to end but I sure know how did it begins…

As u all know or the people who know me knows I’ve been single as long as I can remember….Don’t assume that Im too perfect for anyone or I don’t know how to love but actually I really don’t know how love works…

Love works in our favour..we believe we have met the person we really felt close, felt the chemistry, felt the bond between u two were so tight that nothing cud break those bonds..well I’ve been there..to tell u the truth when they say wif love u can’t break anything….mine did?? It seems the power of love has forsake me… and they say wif love u can fight anything well sometimes love work in a mysterious way… works in our favour but deceit us in the end…I don’t want to a hypocrite saying oh I hate love and bla2 but in the end I adore love..who doesn’t want to love but sometimes love can also be a poison..It’s very lethal…

U ask urself again where is dis aymann goin wif this anti-love story??

Let me answer all ur question now being delaying long enough…like said b4 dis I’ve been single my whole entire life..it’s becoz I haven’t found the right yet….but I thought I found it…at first I didn’t want to believe didn’t want to participate in this love game….i said to myself “not the one” I try to fight it u know keep on denying but who am I fooling…for me to say Im in love is like saying Northpole is very hot..see how stupid it is…but I finally have the courage, the will to say “IM IN LOVE” I finally am!! Guys im in love.. im in LOVE!!! IM in love!!! Yahoooooo!!!!

I met the one it seems love had juz fallen into my lap…that person make me feel alive..that person somehow has stole my heart…I felt the bonds between us was as close as…ARGHHHH I can’t describe …there is juz no word in human tongue or any other tongue can describe the feeling the bond… I was so in love!!!

But suddenly I can’t see the sunlight…black cloud floating…it feels like thunderstorm had juz happened…we juz began to estranged n the funny part is…we didn’t have any fights or misunderstanding or any of that its juz fade…the part that hurt me so badly I’ve trying to reach that person but nothing nada zero…we talk laugh giggle the night before and then the next day puff!! It magically disappear … n everyday I sit and asked myself wat hav I done..what have I done!!!! U juz disappear…I was growing insane trying to figure out wat happened…I felt so stupid…so I thought I juz wait maybe something might turn up…coz things happened when ur least expected…but nothing not a zit…..

I was a fool to fall for it….

I am better of being alone than to be in love!!!

Till now I haven’t quite figure it out….How does love work!!

How Naïve was I...

along wif this i forge a poem...

DISSAPOINTMENT

I was an empty person,

Person without Love,

My life was like a roller coaster,

Going up the loop,

Going down the loop,

There was no Peace,

There was only frantic,

I move from one to another,

Searching for LOVE,

Searching for something worthwhile,

Searching to prove me wrong,

I search and I search,

But they were all the SAME,

On a gloomy day of a lonely night,

Where the stars were not seen,

Where the moon was not seen,

I met YOU!

At that very moment suddenly,

The stars were seen,

The moon was seen,

They even Shine brighter than ever!

I felt nothing Like it,

I felt joy,

I felt love,

I felt something that I didn’t feel for a long-time,

When we talked,

When we smiled,

When we had the awkward silence,

Feels like,

We were perfect for each other,

We were destined for each other,

For the first time In my life,

I felt something REAL!

Something worth holding on,

But it was all Crap,

But it was all Deceit,

But it was all FAKE!

I thought you’d be different,

Different from the Rest,

But in the end,

You end up,

Disappointing me THE MOST,

Thank you,

From the bottom of my heart,

For proving me right,

Finally...

2008-11-29T09:36:00.000-08:00

Greeting from ivory tower!!!!

so here i am writing another sad n nostalgic blog!!!
Now im no longer in the isolate AMBS!!!
i jz ended my course on 2nd of march...waaaaaaaaa!!!
i was really sad to leave!!!! trust me!!!!
i was neva dis sad leaving sumthing behind!!!!
MAN leaving all the memories...
I miss everyone there!!!!!
saddest part is leaving my frens!!
Frens i neva had in skool!!!
Frens that really understand!!
Frens that dont judge!!
Frens that knoe ur in need!!!
N the best thing is
Frens that love u for who u ARE!!!!!

I neva had That kind of frens back in high skool..
bt there are sum nt all..

MAN I really miss my lecturers

I stop crying wen i was 12 years..
ok i knoe wat ur goin to think neva cried since 12
yada yada
bt now damn sure cried like a gurl didnt cry ok..
i dont knoe maybe i dont hav anything emotional in my life to cry about..
bt wait i remember i cried wen my sis goin back to aussie..
that one im being honest..
i cried like a gurl!!!
man that was the saddest part!!
man letting go sumone u really love like ur own mother!!

bt nway back to my uni story...(always straying away)

i teared for almost everynight till i cudnt teared myself on the last day!!
bt i really happy cause i finally found sumthing to tear back!!
nt stress of exams..u must be joking!!
bt nway
that sumthing is the most precious to my heart!!

MY FRENS!!
MY AMBS FRENS!!
MY PRE DIPS FRENS!!!
MY PEEPS!!!
I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!

Being wif them for this past 4 months althou short bt man its seems like forever..
i neva been this sad leaving them..
there is no word in any human languange cud describe how much i miss them...

So I thank GOD i got this course!!

i was able to meet frens that i was dying to hav back in highskool!!
n finally found it..

so i'll end my blog wif pictures of them..

nway thnax for reading..
my nt so cool blog!!
bt wat i wrote in here is the truth not fiction..
i write wat i really feel..
i write wat i want to express..

so for those u made me who i am now..
i thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
for those AMBS Students
my beloved FRENS
i love you guys!!!
thank you for helping me out in my studies!!

tya

2008-09-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,

this is my firsttime writing sumthing sad, wat im goin to tell u might make u burst into tears coz i did!!! before i get into the story..this is about a fren of mine...so if u think it doenst concern u...u can click the x icon at the top right corner....click it now!!!
bt if u wondering why am i writing about a fren of mine...is actually to tell her how much she meant to me....here it goes...her name is tengku nortyama bt we call her tya..bt i always mistaken her wif atiah for sum reason...n bsides im really bad wif names!! so nway enough about names...
ok tya she is the best pal i got in a short time!! she is the most humble person
fun to be wif...everytime im wif her we laugh like there is no 2morrow!!! bt all of that is soon to end!!! she is goin away!!!! waaaaaaaaa!!!
she got an offer to study in limkokwing n its fully paid 100% paid by felda!!!
the firstime she got the offer she consulted me whether to take that offer...bt i say rejct it coz being in limkokwing is too social...ok she rejcted it...
bt then 2 months later...she gt a cll about the offer..dis time her parents insisted that she go!!
sp she has to go coz she doesnt want to dissappoint her parents especially her mum...
n i understand...
bt when i heard she was leavin..my heart feels like its about to tear apart..
wen she is here...she was like my shadow..watching my everymove...
she helped me wen my maths papers r everywhere she put it together...she picked up my stuff wen it fell...man!! its so touching to knoe she is leaving...
how can i go to my class without her!!! on the 23 sept we made a farewell party for her frm GTL DMD!!! i burst into tears seeing her leave is like a another pieace of me is leaving!!!
i jz dunno if i can still stay the same when she is nt without her!!!
she is like a fren i know frm the past..

b4 she left i made a poem for to let her knoe she always stay in my heart!!!

Tya you are leaving us!
why are you leaving us?
we are lost without you,
as you are a part of us,
life wont be the same
without you,
as you are off
to your quest,
chasing your dreams
to be a somebody,
dont forget all of us,
as we will never forget you,
you might not be with us
but, you are always with us,
in HEART
we are proud to be
YOUR FRIEND!!!!

b4 i end my blog i put up some photos of her

tya im gonna miss wen u go lkw!!
u take care of urself!!
remember us aite!!!
thanx for everything!!!

Starting all over again

2008-09-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hello Blogger!!!

ok its long since i've blog..so here we go...what shud i tell u...hurmmm??
oh yes!! my uni the lasttime i told u i went to this uni in dungun!!
bt now we moved to ambs an isolated place...why we moved bcoz we are pre dips
n we have our own special place..so let me tell u abit about the trip...
it was fun...b4 we went to ambs we are given time to go shopping..
not shopping as prada lv or gucci aye..shop for ur grocery...coz thats the only thing they hav there
grocery store...
hurmm so afta shopping we continue our journey to the nowhere...it was an hour drive to ambs..
it was quite tiring n bored in there...bt the scenary outside was beautiful i mean really beautiful
it was full wif greens, farms, jungles.....well i love nature...
in the bus sum of my course got bored since i brought dvd along i put it on..
we watched cruel intention a very sinical movie thrashy n valgour....
finally we arrived at that place..BANDAR AMBS..my new uni...
the first impression when i saw the uni, was like
WAT THE FUCK!!!!!
we had to climb up a hill to get our into out uni...
n wif all the things i brought wif me..such as pillow, bolsters, luggage, laundry basket, n many more..
i had to carry 10 bags all the way up the hill coz the bus cud'nt take us up...as it was too sloppy...
i sweating as if i was bathing( euwww)
wat do u expect i had to run up n down more than 10 times...
when i settled everything its time to explore the place...
so i explore the place...its beautiful actually just the way i like it...surrounded by nature. forest all around...theres even a lake...
2 days afta dat we had our classes so i meet wif all of my clssmate...or coursemate...
i was sad leaving my roomate waaaaaa....
bt i made new frens again....had to start all over again..new roommate n enviroment
so lets see how it goes yeh....
here are sum pictures i took in my uni...

Thats all for now...
any updates i'll blog again!!

2008-08-17T12:12:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,

greeting from ivory tower!!! Its been so long since i blog...well i've been buzy!!!!
new enviroment, new state, new uni and new frenz!!! that i need to get use to...so first of all yeah im a university students..i got into my dream uni bt nt the course that i wanted..*sigh*
bt its nt really a course coz its like a probation to get in the course i want..coz i didnt hav good credit for my maths in spm!!! damn i hate maths!!! arghhh!!!
so nway i got in the uni thats the good part rite!!!
ok so like normal uni there has to be an orientation week rite!!!
FUCK!!!! thats the word to describe how sucky was mms a.k.a orientation week!!
man i only had 2 hours of sleep for a week!!!
that fucking mms made me brain dead every single day!!
bt at the end was nt bad as we had to perform sumthing...
n i was the director!!!! man that was an achivement i've been waiting!!!
the play went quite well eventhough we had only 2 days to practice....
i was really proud of myself n also my teamate!!!
during that mms week i made frenz that i cud neva forget!!!!
this r pictures of my very first roomate!!!
they were fucking awesome!!! neva i made fren that fast!!

afta a long day walking around!!!
from left : Fiq, Aan , Me

wearing a batik suit!!

From Left : Aan, Fiq, Me

so eventhough it was sucky at first bt in the end it was worthit!!!!
i made such great frenz!!!!

Is it a sign???

2008-06-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

WOW!!
its been ages since i blog eyh0..
well i was buzy lately...goin shopping for my uni stuff n driving licenses
first i was working n now starting uni...
arghh!!! can my life get anymore faster!!
man i need to slowdown abit!!! sigh*
so dats pretty much why i didnt blog for a long time...hurmmm
oh yea...i also didnt hav an interesting story untill i had dis dream....
so yeah its a dream i had...that im about to tell u guys about...
giving ya a head start to walkaway from my blog if u think its gonna bore u to death...

so for those who wud like to knoe wat is dis dream i've been babbling about..
it was 2 days ago...i had dis weird dream u see...
i dreamt dat i was in narnia playing a role as the original character...
u knoe save the creature n shit ya da ya da...war n shit.. yada yada...
ok i knoe its only a dream...n im being loser talking about it...

so in narnia theres aslan rite well same as mine he was there helping me...
bt in mine it was abit weird u see...he said to me, aslan i mean...
that i hav to find dis person another son of adam...so i can obtain immortality or he can gain immortality...
i dont remember anyway..
he said to find this particular person..
i hav to look for these signs on these person...
ok so let me tell u in detail wat aslan looking for...
which...
this guy hav an orange coloured bottle wif him..ok so far so good..
then dis guy is wearing a cross necklace wif him...ok its getting weird already rite...
n the last sign was there will be a shadow in a shaped of a cross bside him...

so that was the signs aslan was looking for...
so i went out of narnia or did i..went looking for dis person..
i found him...
he hanged an orange coloured bottle on his belt..
n get dis the coloured was so bright even if u're blind u wud notice it...
ok yada yada he bares all the sign aslan describe..the weird part is...
that guy was one of my fren...we're quite close...according to aslan..he holds the key for immortality..
after i manage to convince him that he plays an important part in these ritual of immortality...
we went thru dis rock n got back to narnia..
bt wen i came back everything from medieval era like the real narnia...
there were building as in like our kind of building...made from iron,brick wall n all the materila u need to make a building...
man i was shock too!!
so i brought this guy to aslan..
bt then aslan was acting pretty weird theres even creature similar to orcs bitting dis gurl..
i dont knoe wat kind of bite they were doin bt it sure hell was scary!!
so i felt weird..i said to aslan we shud meet another time..
aslan went furious out of sudden..start to rawr n all
i quickly said to the guy run...
aslan chase him to dis tunnel...
bt somehow i dont knoe how they both got traped in there...
n that was the end of my dream...thanx to the bloody alarm clock!!

so that was it my dream...
wat make dis dream so weird is that the signs and my fren..
wats the connection between them...
im still trying to figure it out....
is it a sign for me??
hurm...
till next time ppl..
thanx for reading!!!

My life...

2008-05-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

ok...
first of all im new...so as my first blog or blogging watever u call it...
let me share sumthing about myself.....well im Aiman Hafiz b. Jalani
I was born on the 2nd of march 1990...
oh fuck it!! lets skip dis....
nway i never thought i wud one day blog...
bt thanx to a fren of mine i pratically blogging rite now
hurmm...my life is abit complicated...even i cant figure it out....
thats how complicated it is....man!! luckily i found my pet sis, ice and my bestfren, zuzu
if werent for them i'll be in asylum by now...
wow dis is my very first blog n i already sound miserable...sigh*
so back to our story my two fren ice n zuzu helped me alot trying to find out who i was...
even my real family cant find out the crisis im facing...i was basically facing kids life crisis(imagine that)
they had to send me to a psychiatrist cause they thought i was mentally ill...
man.. juz bcoz i talk to myself....play with myself ( its not wat u think it is)
basically im a lone ranger....bt when u come to think of it...
it does sound weird for a kid that age who likes to be alone all the time..
in year 2000 i met my two beloved angel ice n zuzu...
they turned my life around...no thanx to the psych
they thought me alot about life, music, movies and etc...
i can neva began to repay them....

so dis is actually a rough image of my life b4 and afta..
theres a lot more bt lazy to rite la....sigh*
thats about it n i dont knoe wat im typing is rite for a blog
wat the heck who cares this my blog!!
dont like dont read....as simple as dat!!!

lastly..

I LOVE YOU!! ICE N ZUZU!!!
U GURLS WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART!!!
I WILL NEVA FORGET WAT U GUYS DID FOR ME!!!!
THANK YOU!!!

P/S : thanx to bestie tengku indera hafiz for persuading me to join blogspot..

thanx man!!!

Potrait of them

My angels

ICE a.k.a Aisyah

ZUZU a.k.a Azureen

My bestie and Partner In crime!!

Tengku Indera Hafiz A.k.a TIH