BulletProof Vest

Dear blog….

Its been ages eyh…but that’s how is it with me aite…I only come to you in my hours of need…but it is becoz u r my comfort wen im alone…I write wat I feel so that I don’t keep it inside….you are where I pour my sadness and sorrow….how I became so…here the story goes….

I have met someone  as notice from my previous blogs…

But now im telling u tht we r no longer together….why….

I don’t knw….we were together for almost 1 and half year and that relationship gone jz like dat…..which it was too hard for me….i don’t if that person felt the same thing,….we had a fight…..it was my fault becoz I jz went completely berserk following my emotion not my brain,…..it almost 2 months we been apart….and I feeling really hollow…and its eating me from the inside…..the pain is unbearable….i tot I was over that person but the fact is I was neva….in my heart has and always been that person….everytime I look at tht person my heart takes the toll feels like someone has stake a knife thru my heart….the pain seeing that person is no longer mine….i tried dropping my ego making the first move…because I still love that person so dearly…..i have neva felt so hurt….

Everynite I sit in my room crying to how stupid I cud hav lost something so precious….

There was a day I tried to take my own life….i took pills to jz go away….so I don’t have to go thru dis pain anymore….but it didn’t work and the after feeling is even worst…..

I miss you so muchhhhhhh

I miss hearing u laugh……

I miss seeing u smile…

I miss hugging you….

I miss being your knight and shining armor….

Sorry if my story is not in a proper timeline because its hard to type wen your inside is hurting….

If only I cud commit suicide so tht everything is solve but I cant because I cant bare to leave tht person alone ….i promise to always try to be there during ups and downs…..because that person happiness is my happiness…that person is my priority…….if anything wud to happen to that person wen im gone I cant rest in my grave….because that person meant so much to me…..that person meant the world to me….

Infront of my fren I have put a face for them to see im happy on the outside but the fact is im dying inside….its eating me slowly looking back at our memory….14 januari 2011 was the meaningful date..it was wen I proposed to that person…during our early time together we spend everyday together wat we do we do it together….i was so happy

Seeing that person smile laugh and making cute faces…..

If only I cud turn back time I wud hold onto you no matter what and tell you how much u meant to me…..i love you so much and I miss you dear….you are my string to my violin…you were the one giving me strength wen everyone elses weren’t there….you were the one that sees my flaw as a happiness for u….i love you dear……..

You and Me

We were lost loosing straying in the path of unloved

Craving for love

Craving for comfort

That we forgone in our fail relation

One day feathers of fate flown for endless

Thus flock towards 2 lonely shadow lighten up the darkness

Feathers of fate brought both our fate together

Smiles start to lift while lonely starts to fall

We cherish the moments together

Every moon light shone

There we are together enjoying each other comfort

Laughter feels the air

Sorrow finally emptied the bottle of joy

We no longer longing for love

For we have each other

Almost valentine that the love bells began to sound

That you and me would take the next step

We now have each other

For sickness and in health

For better or worst

We belong with each

My dear I love you and my love will keep on roaming the endless sky….

Lonely starting to crumble…

Hi blog….its been awhile eyh….i’ve been buzy and occupied with life, love and work ... so nway blog like always everytime I have problem I always come to you…but not when im happy riteeee…I feel like im actually taking advantage…im srry…so for the above u can tell im feeling sad lonely…wat am I to do…thts life everything that goes up bound to come down sumthing its gravity scientifically saying…but theorically thts fate….huhuhu….

So r u ready to hear my story…u r always ready thts why I can count on you…..so here it goes….well im wif someone as u may hav heard…the old one is long gone deleted and emptied…but I found someone better huhu..yay!!!!!! but im not gonna talk about my other half…..but about how am I feeling with that person…u must be thinking tht “aren’t u happy I thought u said yay!!!” bt wait I haven’t finish hear me out…..

Im happy with tht person I feel I cant live without tht person but the problem now is that prson is getting distance with me…

im feeling I have no one to hear my sad story bsides u….coz that person is buzy working so thts fair im working too I know how buzy can work be…and to be honest im a pure workaholic when im working…neglecting my family frens but one thing I neva neglect is my other half atleast after work I wud spend atleast 30 mints to 1 hour talking or texting to that person….

So that person is now working so yeah work can always be out of the way for our relationship no doubt that and I wudnt argue…but I feel sad when during that persons off day that person neva hav time for me…I don’t know is it me feeling really need or sumthing…but I don’t want to take a guess..i cant afford to coz im too vulnerable rite now….this usually happens often thou….during that person’s off day that person bound to have excuses like im sick, I buzy but one thing I don’t get it during ur working day its obvious u r buzy bt during ur off day why u hav excuses I still don’t get it…its like that person is avoiding me...so that is wat is making me wonder….its not sumtimes but often…its like that person is working on off day too…hurmmm that’s me sad and lonely….even my off day I wud give time to that person….even if tomorrow is that person’s off day that person will still sleep early come on…u r off tomorrow spend time with will yaaaa….haih…

I jz don’t know wat to do I feel like I don’t have anyone…I belong to someone but as if tht person is keeping me lock up in a closet like im a used toy…thts how I feel …im jz feeling lonesome crumbling down….pressuring me to flat myself down….but I guess im feeling needy thts all…I love tht person wif all my heart its almost going to be a year in january but I jz feel I don’t hav anyone wif me….hurmmmm thts jz lonely….i hope its oni the distance and time tht is keeping us apart….