BulletProof Vest

Dear blog….

Its been ages eyh…but that’s how is it with me aite…I only come to you in my hours of need…but it is becoz u r my comfort wen im alone…I write wat I feel so that I don’t keep it inside….you are where I pour my sadness and sorrow….how I became so…here the story goes….

I have met someone  as notice from my previous blogs…

But now im telling u tht we r no longer together….why….

I don’t knw….we were together for almost 1 and half year and that relationship gone jz like dat…..which it was too hard for me….i don’t if that person felt the same thing,….we had a fight…..it was my fault becoz I jz went completely berserk following my emotion not my brain,…..it almost 2 months we been apart….and I feeling really hollow…and its eating me from the inside…..the pain is unbearable….i tot I was over that person but the fact is I was neva….in my heart has and always been that person….everytime I look at tht person my heart takes the toll feels like someone has stake a knife thru my heart….the pain seeing that person is no longer mine….i tried dropping my ego making the first move…because I still love that person so dearly…..i have neva felt so hurt….

Everynite I sit in my room crying to how stupid I cud hav lost something so precious….

There was a day I tried to take my own life….i took pills to jz go away….so I don’t have to go thru dis pain anymore….but it didn’t work and the after feeling is even worst…..

I miss you so muchhhhhhh

I miss hearing u laugh……

I miss seeing u smile…

I miss hugging you….

I miss being your knight and shining armor….

Sorry if my story is not in a proper timeline because its hard to type wen your inside is hurting….

If only I cud commit suicide so tht everything is solve but I cant because I cant bare to leave tht person alone ….i promise to always try to be there during ups and downs…..because that person happiness is my happiness…that person is my priority…….if anything wud to happen to that person wen im gone I cant rest in my grave….because that person meant so much to me…..that person meant the world to me….

Infront of my fren I have put a face for them to see im happy on the outside but the fact is im dying inside….its eating me slowly looking back at our memory….14 januari 2011 was the meaningful date..it was wen I proposed to that person…during our early time together we spend everyday together wat we do we do it together….i was so happy

Seeing that person smile laugh and making cute faces…..

If only I cud turn back time I wud hold onto you no matter what and tell you how much u meant to me…..i love you so much and I miss you dear….you are my string to my violin…you were the one giving me strength wen everyone elses weren’t there….you were the one that sees my flaw as a happiness for u….i love you dear……..